How A Husband Should Care for His Wife-1


Our Guest Blogger today is again my friend, D J Young. Besides fielding comments from this posting, he will continue the discussion of this topic over the next several days. Lest we might think this is an inconsequential thing, consider how many people in your circle of friends are still married to their original spouse … And now, D J:

A husband who wants to understand what caring for his wife means and then apply it to his relationship with her must first understand how God views caring.

The simple yet profound truth is that “God cares.” He cares about his creation, his people, those who call upon the name of his son Jesus, and he cares for you and your wife. Because God cares he continues to be involved in his creation which is demonstrated by the sending of his son to earth, the sending of his Holy Spirit, making grace and mercy (personal gifts from a loving Father) available and hearing the prayers of his people.

Jim Norris and wife, homesteaders, Pie Town, N...

Jim Norris and wife, homesteaders, Pie Town, New Mexico (LOC) (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

Since God made man and woman in his image and likeness, he is most concerned about their happiness and well-being. When both act in accordance with his image and likeness, God is pleased. When one does not and it is adversely affecting the other, God cares.

The phony husband

A phony husband runs when things get tough. Perhaps his wife has secretly feared that this is his true nature and has found it difficult for that very reason to obey God’s command to her of submitting to her husband.

As the marriage progresses, good times, tough times and sometimes really difficult seasons come and go. The phony husband caves in under pressure and from lack of his wife’s affection and love and he flees. He does not care for his wife or his children when this happens. He has learned to ignore his heart and lives instead from his head.

The caring husband

A caring husband exhibits two very important characteristics:

1)     His eyes are always upon his wife. He is looking at her through the eyes of love. He watches her in order to admire and appreciate her. As he watches her he notices the little telltale signs of her love for him. The way she smiles and laughs at his jokes and stories tells him how she loves him. The way she flirts with him makes him feel that he is “her man.”

2)     He listens to her voice. There is nothing more annoying than a whining, nagging wife. When she operates on that level, the loving husband will conclude that either he is doing something wrong or his wife is struggling with something she needs help with. He will go out of his way to find out what it is so he can help her through it.

The husband has a threefold role:

  1. To develop a servant attitude towards his wife and family.

Without this unique attitude adjustment, he remains a carnal man who cannot minister to his wife. In his mind he will still have self and sin on the throne.

  1. To pray for and receive a servant’s heart

Until a husband has had heart surgery, his wife will never feel the deep genuine love he has for her as he cares for her. She will never see it for what it is—God’s gift to her through her husband.

  1. To abandon any objections to either of the above

A man can only become a loving husband through surrender of his will to God’s will and loving the resulting transformation. He can’t fight God’s design for his relationship with his wife and be successful.

But the husband who comes to accept God’s design and lives with his wife accordingly will find great freedom in serving his wife. It will be a joy and pleasure because he realizes that this is the best way to love himself through his wife.

Thanks, D J. Friends, what are your thoughts re the husband surrendering his will so he can be a better husband? How can we do that?

This discussion will continue this week, so stay tuned.

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About samuelehall

A follower of Jesus, husband, father of 3 adult children, writer and learner.
This entry was posted in Families, Husbands and Wives and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to How A Husband Should Care for His Wife-1

  1. Pingback: How Does a Man Care for His Wife? | Samuel Hall

  2. Pingback: How a Husband Cares for His Wife–2 | Samuel Hall

  3. Mike Darr says:

    I couldn’t agree more with your advice to men. However, as Christians we need to be careful not to judge or label someone’s actions based on our own limited perceptions. We should lead by example and encourage through the power of the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ.

  4. samuelehall says:

    My friend, Mike Darr, sent this comment early this morning. I just received his permission to copy it:
    “I’m not married to my original spouse, but I don’t consider myself a ‘PHONY’ husband either. There are a lot of men and women with deep scars and emotional hurts over broken relationships that forced them to leave a marriage. Somehow your guest blogger can sum this all up in one paragraph by insinuating that broken marriages are caused by PHONY men. I read the rest of the blog and there are some good points. However, marriage is a two-way street of mutual respect and love based on the greatest love of all–Gods love for us. Male and Female.”

    • Duane j. Young says:

      We can only work on the present marriage. When I speak of caring for your wife I speak to those husbands who are struggling in their marriage and there is still hope things can be improved. The marriage is not beyond repair.

      Each of us desires our wife to be happy and we are willing to do our part to help this happen.

      It does take two to make it work. When both are working on their relation, a caring husband can only make it better.

      • samuelehall says:

        DJ, thanks for this clarification. It is true that we can only work on our present marriage.
        Mike’s exception apparently stems from these statements in your post: “The phony husband caves in under pressure and from lack of his wife’s affection and love and he flees. He does not care for his wife or his children when this happens. He has learned to ignore his heart and lives instead from his head.”
        While it’s difficult to cover all the bases in a written communication, I can see how Mike and others could take exception to the insinuation that any man who leaves a marriage is a “phony husband.” That is not true, of course.
        The specter of divorce is a blight upon our society but it is not always the fault of a man leaving a marriage.

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