Duane (DJ) Young continues as my guest blogger with the second in his series on How a Husband Cares for His Wife. A former president of Oregon Christian Writers, he maintains a significant ministry to dads. His website is http://www.wisdom4dads.com.
Why a husband should minister to his wife
It is all about the wife. He can tell that he is doing it right when she lives carefree, has a certain quietness in her soul, and is secure in her role and identity. Most importantly, no other man can tempt her. She is secure in her relationship with her own husband.
Husband and wife are fulfilling God’s design when they recognize and acknowledge together the Lordship of Jesus in their marriage and family.
The caring husband does not want his wife overly stressed or troubled. He wants her to be deeply satisfied with her life, with him and their family—regardless of circumstances or situations they may be going through.
To ensure their success, God has made his grace and mercy available as needed. Progress is not possible without failing. No child learns to walk without falling down. A husband will become seasoned after many failures. God’s means of getting up and continuing the process of getting it right is reconciliation. A good marriage takes time. That is one of the reasons we marvel at long-term marriages—everyone knows they didn’t get it right all the time, but they stuck with each other and made it through.
The uncaring husband
When a man’s wife “feels” uncared for, the home becomes the devil’s playground. The devil can raise havoc with emotions, attitudes, heart issues, willingness, conflicts, finances—to mention just a few.
When it comes to problems that can separate or divide a husband and wife, there are no gates or bars keeping the devil out of the home and their marriage in the presence of an uncaring husband. The husband and the wife each come to a place where each dwells alone even though they are living together. Loneliness in marriage can be sad and brutal. Day in and day out you live with the one you loved enough to marry and have children with, but are unable to be close to. This separation is due to the fact that the husband does not fulfill his purpose of ministry to his wife by deeply caring for her. She feels uncared for.
The Spirit of God cannot dwell in such a home. There will not be any agreement between husband and wife. Many things become instantly confrontational issues. Arguments take the place of genuine sharing and prayerful decisions.
God allows fear to come into the wife’s heart. She is vulnerable because her husband does not protect her. Emotional pain becomes a part of her heart and her life. At times she will have just an aching heart; at other times sickness and disease manifest the underlying cause.
The wife who feels uncared for by an uncaring husband will tend to nit-pick everything. Nothing is too big or too small for an argument, for an attitude, or for blame. Romance is replaced by revenge. To be apart is more pleasant than to be together.
If the husband doesn’t step up to the plate, repent and recognize the situation for what it is, God turns up the heat. The whole household suffers. Everyone feels the effects of the husband’s uncaring attitude toward his wife. Sooner or later bad things bring the marriage to an end and not even tears can change that. Once upon a time, this husband was loved more dearly than life. Now he is cast out of the home by his suffering wife and his hurting children. All she wants is the money she needs “to care for herself” and her children.
The uncaring husband has four issues in his life:
- He is selfish, caring first and foremost about himself. Where selfishness fills the heart, it will show up publicly in the way he treats his wife and children. Even though he provides faithfully by going to work every day, his family feels the strain of his selfishness.
- He lives carelessly. He may spend foolishly, going into debt over man toys, hobbies, sports or electronics. He does not guard his eyes when he looks at other women. He flirts with temptations—pornography on the Internet, through magazines, and in his thoughts. His conversations reflect his selfish heart—he is hard on others and easy on himself.
- He is quick to blame his wife and others for problems in his life. Nothing is ever his fault. He always has an excuse for his character flaws and for neglecting his responsibilities.
- He is blinded by pride. Pride prevents him from seeing the truth of who really has a problem and what the solution is: that it is he who needs to change and grow up.
Once again, my thanks, D J, for laying out the husband’s responsibility in the marriage–and why he does so.
Men, have any of you seriously asked yourself if you carry any of these four issues in your life? Why are we prone not to see the truth about ourselves? Wives, who admits fault in your marriage? What do you do with this reality?
Follow this blog, as D J has more to share on these vital messages to husbands and dads.
- How A Husband Should Care for His Wife-1 (samuelehall.wordpress.com)