Duane (DJ) Young continues as my guest blogger with the third in his series on How a Husband Cares for His Wife. You can go to his website to see more of what he’s written: http://www.wisdom4dads.com.
Today, we take up the question–How does a husband care for his wife?
The caring husband makes it possible for his wife to come before God caring for him. When a husband is “planted” in his place of spiritual leadership in the home, his wife can be rooted in her fellowship. He is planted, but she takes root.
If the husband is like a lake, his wife is like a river that flows into his lake. A lake needs water flowing in and water flowing out to survive. The wife flows into his lake, which means he is filled as she flows. She is one of the primary sources of infilling for her husband.
We often hear the saying, “When Mama’s happy, everybody’s happy. But when Mama ain’t happy; ain’t nobody happy.” Or: “Happy wife, happy life!” Married men may laugh at this because they dare not cry. Married men who cherish intimate times with their wives, men who want their lakes to be full, eat their bread shaking and drink their water trembling. It doesn’t take much for the un-cared for wife to turn a hundred and eighty degrees and cut themselves off emotionally and physically.
When the heat of time, trials and tribulations visit the home, the husband is to bear up under it. If he is successful in doing that, his wife’s leaf will remain green. When the drought comes his way, she will continue to yield fruit. Part of this fruit is their life of intimacy.
A wife cannot recognize spiritual death in her husband. But if the husband lacks spiritual life, she will experience the results. She withers and fades.
As long as he is not doing his part, she can’t do hers. The uncared for wife becomes deaf to her husband’s voice and words. Then he becomes deaf to her voice and words. The result is a very slow and painful death of their marriage, which often ends in divorce.
The caring husband cares above all else for God and His truth. Then he speaks the truth in love. But it is just as important that he cares for his wife.
Christian husbands can’t really care if they have no relationship with God. The husband and Dad is occupied with providing for his family. At the end of the day he returns home, where God’s gift to him is his wife’s appreciation of her caring husband.
A husband can make it through times of heat and drought by: 1) prayer, 2) supplication, 3) thanksgiving, and 4) requests he makes known to God.
His prayers are for his daily life and activities. His supplications are for his family and those God has put in his life to pray for and his thanksgiving is for the blessings and prayers God has answered for him. Lastly, he requests of God to make him a better man, husband and dad.
The uncared-for wife
Shame and sorrow top her list of grievances. Shame because her husband doesn’t appreciate her enough to care for her and sorrow that she must live without the God-breathed gift that her husband is supposed to bestow upon her.
Frustration that can be heard in her words when she asks again and again: “What more can I do?” Every wife knows there is a God-gift for her through her husband. She may not be able to put it into words, but her soul feels it when it is absent and is aware of it when it is present.
She is fearful as she looks to the future, unable to imagine that her husband will ever change, that he will ever meet her need. Daily her heart dies a slow, agonizing death as she is hounded by the added fear that she might have to be satisfied with being dead.
Her deepest longing is: “Oh, that I would have someone who cares for the condition of my soul.” What makes her angry is seeing all the opportunities her husband has missed during their marriage. The sad testimony even of Christian wives can be: “No man cared for my soul.”
An uncared-for wife becomes an uncaring wife. She begins to live carelessly. She turns a deaf ear to her husband’s voice and words. She is troubled. There is nakedness about her inner person. In short, it is as if she is wearing the wrong garment. The garment she should be wearing is the garment of tender loving care provided by her husband. Instead she wears a garment made of shame, sorrow, frustration, fear and longing.
At one time she believed that her husband was God’s intentional gift to her—“to have and to hold, in sickness and health, until death do us part.” How long will she wait until she throws in the towel and calls it quits? That moment comes when she realizes and believes there is no repentance and no hope of repentance.
We must ask ourselves: Have I addressed anything that has put a barrier between me and my wife? Do I need to ask for forgiveness?
If we are sincere in these questions, God will show us the incident, the attitude, the failure to honor our wives. A great tragedy in any relationship is failing to admit our wrong and ask forgiveness. Is there something you need to take–this moment–to your wife, asking her forgiveness? Something that would diminish your pride but must be done? Don’t let it follow you to the grave.
A personal note: I’m getting a new knee Monday so will be out of commission for awhile. You’ll likely see more guest bloggers. Let me know what you like talking about.
- How a Husband Cares for His Wife – 2 (samuelehall.wordpress.com)
- How A Husband Should Care for His Wife-1 (samuelehall.wordpress.com)