This is the last segment in D J Young’s duty as my guest blogger on How a Husband Cares for His Wife. His website is http://www.wisdom4dads.com. We jump into what you and I don’t want to be …
Characteristics of an uncaring husband
He has a false sense of joy and happiness. He lives carelessly. He is filled with self-satisfaction. He only recognizes natural things with an earthly vision. There are no divine insights or divine wisdom inspiring him on how to please his wife and minister to her.
What is the end result? Husband and wife end up attacking each other, blaming the other for things gone wrong. They point fingers at each other for failed finances. And the list goes on.
They end up shaking their heads at each other, not knowing what to do or say. Silence fills the house, the bedroom and their lives—they are strangers living together.
Common elements of caring for a husband and a wife
The two of them are like sharpening stones for the other. As they tend to the things in their respective worlds, such as jobs, children and so forth, opportunities present themselves to think of the other person’s feelings and preferences.
- In a good marriage, caring and being cared for can be like “tit-for-tat,” give and take. He pleases her and she pleases him.
- Equality exists when husband and wife exhibit the same attitude of caring for one another. Each one is to care for the other. The Lord has called the husband to initiate and sustain caring for his wife first and foremost.
The weak Christian husband struggles to care for his wife
The weak Christian husband runs out of steam. He cannot continue to care for his wife in his own strength. As little things pop up—words, actions, stress, pressures—they bear down on his frail spiritual resources. In time he quits trying.
He may attend church and even hear teaching about how husbands ought to love their wives, but he doesn’t know how to apply the principles. The world has a hold on him and calls out to him. Old friends, old habits and new habits tug at his heart as his marriage goes through cycles of ups and downs.
The things of this world choke the word of God he received. Riches entice him. Because he always wants and needs more he works longer hours. The home fires suffer neglect. Dad neglects his kids and the wife feels alone and abandoned.
He lacks fruitfulness in his spiritual walk. He makes no time for devotions and prayer. He walks away from godly fellowship with other men. No fruit in his life reaches perfection. A lot of things only get half done and still need more of his time. Perhaps he thinks: “I serve alone.” He feels cut off from the one person God gave him to love and care for, his wife.
Profile of the caring Christian husband
He knows that the way God wants him to care for his wife is extremely practical. Doing good works and serving her daily with small gestures of love in word and action ministers deeply to his wife. Caring for her is a good thing and it brings many benefits to the husband’s soul.
Ten guidelines for caring for your wife:
- Take the initiative.
- Bind up her wounds. Watch her expression, notice when she is hurt and help her recover.
- Choose your words carefully.
- Guard your own spirit. Do not burden your wife with your struggles by blaming her for where you are in your walk with God and in life.
- Perform conscious and deliberate acts of sacrifice.
- Cover her, that is, be alert for her needs, her desires and her dreams. Help her grow.
- Take care of her. When she is down, lift her up. When she is sick, tend to her. When she is struggling, listen to her and pray with her. Show her that you care about the things she cares for.
- Hold others responsible for how they treat your wife. Train your children to respect their mother. She is first of all your wife. Watch over how her in-laws treat her. Talk highly of your wife to them and show them that you will not tolerate any disrespect towards your wife in words, actions or attitudes.
- How does your wife talk about you to others? Does she praise you for taking care of her? Does she put you down? If she can’t speak highly of you, you are failing. Make the necessary changes.
- Earn the badge of courage in your wife’s eyes. Be diligent in all your affairs. Have nothing but the highest standard when it comes to integrity, purity, honesty and work ethics.
When you care deeply for your wife, you will recognize immediately when she is offended by something that happens or something you do. What you say to her and about her can grieve her spirit and you will see it in her facial expression, that is, if you are keeping your eyes on her.
Try with all your might to get it right. Have no doubt at all that this is your ministry to your wife. You need to succeed.
The mature Christian husband is required by God to get his act together and learn how to rule his own house. That means first of all caring for his wife.
The husband who does this will learn quickly that there is a hidden reward for this. He finds it within the walls of his house, with his wife and among his children. They will love to have him home, love to be with him and sad when he has to leave. His wife will live with a special joy in her heart because he is the man God wants him to be.